Forgive Me
by bekjen89
Summary: What if Danarius had more than one lyrium tattooed slave? This is the story of the mage Amarantha Hawke and her escape. But what will it cost? Will she forever lose the love of the only man to claim her hardened heart? First Fanfic! R&R!
1. Introduction

Amarantha Hawke ran, tearing through the underbrush, her feet torn and bleeding. She could not stop. She could never stop. He would find her, he always found his escaped slaves. Lungs burning from exertion she cast yet another stamina spell, the lines from her lyrium burns flashed red as her incredible power coursed through the lines. Ama knew her mana reserves were running low; she needed to find shelter before she passed out. Desperate eyes scanned the darken landscape in hope. It was then that she spotted an isolated cave, the entrance veiled by twisting vines. Once inside her heart never slowed from its erratic pace. Settling on the cold hard ground Ama let the fear and guilt wash over her trembling frame. Before long, she reduced into tears. When she closed her startling blue eyes, she saw a flash of stark white hair and forest green eyes dance behind her heavy lids.

"Oh Fenris, forgive me!"


	2. Chapter 1

It seemed like no matter where she ended up Ama was running. Whether it is running from Templars, Danarius, or recently unwanted suitors, Ama felt as if she could never rest. Although the reason for running now was much more serious than avoiding Henry Edwards, the blight was upon them and Ama knew she must get her family out of Lothering. Of course, she had not been in Lothering for long, a mere year, trying to reconnect with the family that she had lost long ago. Ama knew that it was dangerous for her to stay; they had enough problems without her dragging her crazy ass Tevinter magister into the mix. She watched her sister and brother flank their mother as they ran across the ruined wasteland surrounding Lothering. Bethany's warm golden eyes met hers, and she gave a weary smile. A slight smile twitched to Ama's own lips as she recalled their reunion.

_Bethany gasps as she slowly opens the door, frozen in shock. Ama completely understood her baby sister's state, considering that Ama was kidnapped at the tender age of eighteen. Bethany had only been fifteen when she had walked into Ama's room and found it completely destroyed, even Ama's trusty staff, Apostate's Courage and been broken in two. Bethany would never forget the look on her mother's face as she crumbled to the ground, learning her oldest child had been taken, with no clue as to her whereabouts._

_Bethany shuddered, "Ama-a, is that you?" _

_Bethany's eyes take in the transformations her sister has undergone over the past six years. Ama's long black hair hung clumped and dirty in her face, Beth immediately noticed a pure silvery white piece had been haphazardly tucked behind an ear. Ama let out a slow sigh._

"_It's me Beth."_

_With that, their arms wrapped around one another in a tear filled embrace. As they pulled apart, Ama held a breath waiting, waiting for Beth to see the monster. Beth's eyes eventually settled on the red lines curling at Ama's temples._

"_Ama what-t happened to you-u? Where-e have you been? What are these lines-s," Bethany whispered in a trembling voice, her eyes now tracing the lines that seemingly covered her sisters body. _

_Deftly deflecting the question Ama replied, "Oh dear sister how I have missed you! Look how much you have grown! You are a spitting image of mama!"_

"_Stop avoiding the question Amarantha!"_

"_Bethany… I… it is too much, just thinking about what I left behind. Its-s painful. Perhaps one day, when I am strong enough I will tell you the entire story, but for now please just leave me be."_

"_But Ama you have been gone for six years," Bethany's voice raising slightly , "And now you show up at our door step splattered with blood, and covered in those creepy red lines or tattoos, and you just expect us not to ask what happen? I mean Ama what the hell is this?" Bethany raised her hand to finger the white streak of hair that had come lose from behind Ama's ear. Ama flinched at the memory of another hand doing the very same thing._

"_Beth-h please… stop," Ama shouted, Bethany's hand jerked away._

"_I-I am sorry."_

"_It is not your fault, you only wish to understand. But dear sister it is not something I can face. Not right now. I just need shelter for the night. I cannot stay long Beth."_

Ama blinked away the memory. It had been a difficult year since that fateful night. Her family still had no idea what she had gone through during the six years she had been "away". By now, they had simply given up, happy she was still with them. Now as they fled their home, mobbed by darkspawn they came to discover just how much Amarantha had changed. Surrounded by darkspawn Ama was ruthless, with one flash of red she had ensnared at least a dozen darkspawn in a crushing prison, swiftly followed by a sweep of her mighty staff who's deadly blade separated the screaming creatures' heads from their bodies.

"Shit Ama! Where the fuck did that come from," Carver shouted as he detached his greatsword from a still twitching hurlock.

"We have no time for this," Ama's eyes flashed dangerously at the oncoming darkspawn and with a quick flick of the wrist, a wall of fire came between her family and the group of snarling hurlocks.

"Where will we go," Bethany asked quietly, fear making her voice quake. Ama reached out and put an arm lovingly around her younger sister.

"Wherever we go, it will be together. Speaking of going, we should move faster. Trust me when I say you don't want to know what happens when my mana gets low…"

"Are we just going to wonder around in the wilds, surrounded by a darkspawn horde," Carver spat sarcastically, his mabari, ironically named Dog, barked in agreement.

It was then that their mother, Leandra, spoke for the first time, "We will go to Kirkwall. I have family there, I am sure they will help us."

"Sounds reasonable, we best be hitting the road who knows how long it will take to get out of this mess."


	3. Chapter 2

"FENRIS!" Ama screamed, tears streaming down her pale cheeks. Her body began to trembling violently as she closed her eyes trying to erase the terrible dream from her mind.

_Ama watches on in horror as Danarius shoots several bolts of lightning at Fenris' shaking body._

"_Where is she?"_

_Fenris keeps his mouth shut, refusing to give Danarius the satisfaction of a scream. This only caused Danarius to change tactics, "Do you know what I am going to do when I find her? Because I will find her. The two of you are bound; you cannot be without the other long before the craze takes hold." _

_Danarius laughs maliciously at the look of shock that spreads across Fenris' face. _

"_Oh yes, the lyrium that I used for your lovely artwork came from the same vein as the enchanting Amarantha's lyrium."_

"_You will not find her, she stronger than you can possibly imagine, I am the only one able to contain her, and now that she is without-t me-e she is free-e."_

_Ama whispered through her tears praying to the Maker that he could hear her, "I am so lost without you Fen." Fenris gave no response. Ama sobs came harder as overwhelming feelings of loss and heartache pulsed through her broken soul. _

_It was then that she saw Danarius strike Fenris across the face with stonefist. Ama cried out at his pain, and yet Fenris made no sound, though he struggled for consciousness._

"_Oh don't you worry my little wolf, I will have that common whore chained to my bed and beneath my body soon enough…" It was then that Fenris growled with rage, struggling against his chains. _

"_Such fire my pet, but why? She has left you, knowing that I would direct my wrath at you, knowing the grave consequences that would befall you if she were to escape. She has never cared about you. She only crawled into your bed when mine was unavailable. The whore." Danarius smirked as he saw his poison begin to take hold._

"_No Fenris! Do not listen you are my only love! I am so sorry!" Ama screamed crumbling from the inside out, knowing it was her causing him this pain, this agony. She saw Fenris' eyes dart to the ground, willing the tears away._

"_Ah but I see all of this is hurting you my pet, have no worries, our family will be together again. I am sending you to Kirkwall. She is there, living with some apostate in a grand manor in Hightown. His name is Anders; my spies tell me she is quite happy with him."_

_Fenris eyes become glazed and distant, as Danarius laughs at his torment._

"_Fenris please love, do not listen. Anders is only a friend. I am miserable without you. I cry myself to sleep every night wishing you were there next to me," Ama said in anguish, feeling completely helpless. _

"_Don't worry once I am doing claiming what is mine, I am sure she will let you have the leftovers. Now before I send you off, I will have my fun first!"_

_Danarius strolled back to Fenris as electricity crackled in the air. Fenris having seemingly lost everything, as the lightening seared through his aching body, screamed. He released all of his loss, and anguish allowing it to shatter his heart, "AMA!"_

Ama was in pieces knowing that terrible scene could not have just been a dream. Sorrow soaked her to the core at the thought of the pain she had caused her love. Fenris was tormented both mentally and physically because of her, and that ripped her heart to shreds. Of course, if she had not escaped Danarius would have killed her, without a doubt. He rapes had become more and more violent; it seemed to correspond to her ever-increasing power. The last time had been horrific. He had bled her within an inch of her life before rough and painful taking her body. She did not make it all the way back to her quarters. That was when Fenris found her, crumpled in a naked, bloody pile on the floor outside his room.

"_Oh Ama… what has he done!"_

_Unable to answer she just moaned, knowing she was safe now. His arms gingerly scooped up her tormented body, and walked them back into his room. Fenris quickly went to work gathering the necessary poultices. He had fixed her many times before, but it had never been this bad. _

"_Ama, love, please say something, anything!"_

"_L-Love yo-"_

"_I love you more! I swear to you we will get out of here together! We will never have to be tortured again. I will take you to Orlais, you would like that wouldn't you? We could marry in Val Royeaux! I hear it is very beautiful. Granted with it being where the Chantry is centered we could not stay long… We could live as hermits! All I need is you! Oh please Ama stay with me!"_

Ama's tears started anew as she remembers his promise. How could she leave him? He would never forgive her, never want to be with her ever again and she could not blame him. She screamed with all the hate she felt toward herself.

It was then that she heard pounding on the door.

"Ama? It's me Anders, open up right now! What's wrong?"

Hearing no response, Anders burst through her door, finding a devastated Ama in her bed, tears tracks very clear against her skin. He quickly advanced to his dear friend, and took her thin, shaking form in his arms.

"Shhh, it was only a dream"

"No, this was no dream Anders, twas a vision. They are coming."

"That can't be!"

"It's not like I am that easy to hide, and add that to the fact that I have been rather… busy as of late, well I guess I have drawn his attention." This was true, after Ama had returned from the Deep Roads with riches untold, and ascended with her mother to Kirkwall elite she had become a fixture in the public eye. This was especially true with the whole Qunari conflict. This attention does not even take into account her daily appearance. Her unusual blood red artwork never failed to garner a gasp or stare wherever she traveled.

"You have a fair point my lady. Anyway, let us join the others at the Hanged Man! You need a healthy distraction."

"There is nothing healthy about the swill they serve there. Besides, it must be ten in the morning! I do not have a drinking problem like the rest of you."

"That is where you are wrong! Well about the time anyway… It is just after ten at night as a matter a fact!"

"What! You let me sleep ten hours?"

"Well it was a tough battle for all of us, especially you, we figured it could not hurt to let you catch some extra winks."

"Well my whole day has been wasted!"

"Not completely, you could still have a good time with your friends!"

"Anders, you know I prefer the tevinter wines."

"Ah yes, your infinity for the blood and tears of slaves."

"You know very well that is a vicious rumor."

"Sure, Sure. Come on Ama, the best way to rid yourself of this hurt is to drink it away. I did that many a time before Justice stopped my drinking. It works quite nicely."

"Ugh, fine."

Ama rolled out of bed and stretched, unaware that as she did so her nightgown had risen, showing off her well-toned buttocks. Anders' face turned bright red as he quickly turned, averting his gaze.

"Umm I will just be downstairs with Bodahn and Sandal, whenever you are ready."

After Anders bowed out Ama padded into her bathroom and took in her reflection. She carefully touched the dark bruises that had formed from the battle with the slavers on the Wounded Coast. Last night she had been too exhausted from healing others to heal herself. Now as her hands flashed that familiar red, she felt the dull ache fade. Sighing heavily Ama began trying to tame her long and unruly locks, trying unsuccessfully to hide the white streak. When she finally surrendered, Ama strode to her wardrobe and selected her favorite robes. They were midnight blue, high collared with cutouts showing off her bare shoulders and shapely hips. While the bottom brushed the ground, two slits ran up the sides showing off slender legs. Lastly, she slipped on the pair of matching boots and swiftly descended the stairs to meet Anders.

"Beautiful as always my fearless leader!"

"Ha! Let's get this over with!"


	4. Chapter 3

**AN: I am sooooo sorry it took me so long to update! I got super busy with school and work! I hope that now I will be able to continue to post a chapter a week, I have a lot of the story actually written out; I just have to type and post! If anyone is interested in being my beta it would be much appreciated! **

**Anyways Enjoy! And please review to let me know what you think!**

Fenris froze when he saw a flash of black and red.

"Ama?"

He had been in Kirkwall for two weeks now, and Ama had unknowingly eluded his grasp. Of course, the fact that he had been sulking and raging in Danarius' mansion for most of his stay could not have helped matters. The truth was Fenris was scared of what he would find; especially if what he found was his Ama in the arms of a mage cur.

"Venhedis!"

_How could she forget about me? Did our love mean nothing to her? I would have done anything to project her!_

Fenris did not want to believe a single thing Danarius had said to be true, but so far, it appeared that his bastard of a master had been truthful. As Fenris continued stalking down the dark alleys of Lowtown he heard a giggle, his eyes closed at such a comforting and achingly familiar sound.

"Oh Anders! I am quite drunk; I believe it is time for me to stumble my way back to Hightown and that ridiculous mansion."

"Oh no, Hawke… you must be joking my dear. You will be completely helpless!"

At that, Fenris saw a familiar flash of red bathing the walls outside of the Hanged Man.

"You know I can handle myself."

"Yes dear, but are not completely in the correct state of mind right now."

"Anders. I am going home, and I most certainly do not need your help. Go to the clinic, I am sure you patients need you, you have not been there in days."

With that, she stormed off in the direction of the Amell Manor.

It was then that Fenris got his first look at Ama in four years. She still astounded him with her beauty. His eyes swept over her luscious curves, which peaked strategically from the slashes and gaps in her robes. The red, twisting veins of lyrium contrasted sharply against her smooth porcelain skin. Her midnight hair shone down her back, ruffling in the breeze.

_Oh Maker, surely I am lost. How could I harm this angel? Please, let her turn, let me see her face._

As Fenris continued to follow close behind her, his emotions got even more muddled. His anger at her leaving and betrayal was mixing dangerously with the mounting lust for his love. Fenris knew that soon he would lose control.

As Ama passed the Chantry, she felt her head begin to clear; she was never one to stay drunk long.

_It has to have something to do with the lyrium. Fenris never stayed drunk long either._

At that thought pain lanced through Ama, she missed him so much. It was as if she had lost a part of her soul. She had not felt complete since her had left Minrathous, not even when she was able to reunite with her family.

Fenris had filled her heart when it had been ripped to pieces and crushed. Now that he was no longer with her, she ached every single day as if a scorching fire engulfed her heart.

_Is that what Danarius meant? Is this what happens when we are apart for this long?_

Before Ama could even finish her thoughts, she felt the hairs on her arm stand on ends. Instantly she froze, perking her ears to any sound. She felt a strong arm wrap around her, immediately her hands crackled with electric energy.

"Oh there will be none of that."

Ama almost collapsed from the sound of his voice. With a burst of blue light Ama felt her magic slowly drain from her body, while simultaneously Fenris flipped her around to face him.

Breathlessly Ama uttered, "Fen-n?"

Her cobalt blue eyes search his fiery emerald. He thrust her against the alley wall, and shouted in angst, "WHY?"

When she did not answer his fingers gripped her delicate shoulders tighter.

"Why did you leave me, and take up with that man," Fenris bellowed even louder.

"He-e w-was going to kill me, Fen," Ama whispered brokenly as her body began to tremble. His grip loosened at her use of his pet name.

"Y-You saw what he did to me the last time, I am not strong enough and he knew it. He was going to kill me before I became too powerful."

"But I am your balance! I would never let you lose control!"

"I couldn't do it anymore! I have never been as strong as you! I could not let him take me anymore! My body belongs to you alone! I hated myself, I still do! I don't deserve you, I never did!"

With that outburst Ama's body shook with sobs, as tears streamed down her face. Fenris was torn, "Did you fuck that blonde mage?"

"Do you think so little of me?"

"I overheard the two of you speaking earlier, you seem… close."

"He has been like a brother to me for the past four years, he knows my heart is, was already taken."

"I still don't understand, how could you leave me? You had to know what he would do to me! Do you know how long he tortured me? I was never given reprieve, never allowed to crawl back to your waiting arms, if you had even been there!"

"Fenris, I have cried myself to sleep every night because of the emptiness I felt at leaving you! But would you have preferred I be raped and murdered?"

Fenris flinched, "I would have kept you safe until we could have escaped together."

Ama's shoulders slumped in defeat, in barely a whisper, "Forgive me, my love."

Fenris mind was reeling, was this really happening? Did his one strength and salvation still love him? He stood closer, bringing his body flush with hers savoring the feeling. Fenris felt his arm hair prickle, and it was not from the anticipation. Sharply he disengaged from Ama and drew his greatsword, blue lines igniting.

"Fenris, what's the matter?"

Ama stood battle ready staff in hand, a ball of flames licked around her open palm. Her red light mixed with Fenris' blue, casting a mysterious violet tint to the alley. Fenris looked at Ama and saw his fierce warrior, her devastating beauty.

"Danarius is in the Free Marches, I can sense him, can't you?"

"It has been so long, my senses have dulled in that area."

"We must prepare for his arrival, I will not let him take you," Fenris said passionately, as he cupped Ama tear stained face.

"You are welcome to stay with me Fen," Ama said with a slight blush, trying to ignore the fact that she had not been with a man in nearly five years.

"That would be sufficient, but what of your companions? Do they know of me? Where will your pet Anders sleep?"

Ama bristled at his last implication," Firstly Anders has never slept in my bed; he only comes to give me a sleeping draft and retires to his own chambers. Also, my companions have some knowledge of you, but not much I have not shared a lot of my time with Danarius. They know you as my safety and my love that is all. I did not want to be someone that is pitied, only Anders know I was tortured, no details. Even that was an accident in the fade."

"I see. I apologize for my previous comment. Please, lead on."


End file.
